Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
