Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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