Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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