Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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