How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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