If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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