I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
