either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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