my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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