My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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