I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
