it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
