my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
