Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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