I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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