I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
