walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
