All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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