Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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