Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
