Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
