No, you can still breathe under the balls.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
