belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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