Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
