I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
