It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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