I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
