3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
