Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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