FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
