Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
where am i from again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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