I wannas sexs uuuuu
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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