It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
