spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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