a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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