i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
