Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
