Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
