You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
