Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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