Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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