i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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