This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
