need another drink. this is the easiest way
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
