We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
