i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
