i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
