so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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