I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
