Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
