And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
